A healthy marriage after sexual abuse has been one of my guest’s triumphs after being sexually abused multiple times in her teens. My guest found healing that allowed her to live a healthy life not defined by her past abuse.
At just 15, Haneef Jordan was gang raped and then at 16 she began to endure daily sexual abuse at the hands of a trusted family member on her way to school. This set her on a course to self destruction for many years. I am happy to say she is now happily married with two beautiful children and is using her voice to make a difference and help others.
“Sometimes it feels like it happened yesterday,” she says, but it’s something Haneef works through everyday to ensure it doesn’t define who she is today. A lot of people strive to get to that place.
Before the rape, Haneef was a vibrant young girl, full of life with many dreams. The rape robbed her of who she believed she was suppose to be at that age. She second guessed who she was because as a young girl she was taught that she was to loose her virginity to her future husband. When someone who she was suppose to trust took that away from her, she lost her trust in humanity, especially in men. It changed her view of men entirely.
Her story began when her mother married an destructive man who had an abusive relationship with Haneef. Haneef’s mother sent her to spend some time with her grandparents in Oregon to get her away from the abuse at home. The area she stayed in Oregon was not safe. Gang members were actually raping girls and killing them at that time. Her grandparents who were caring for her were unaware of that danger and so her safe haven was an unintentional hell. It was there that she was gang raped by one of the neighborhood kids and other gang members. There were three of them and though she fought for her life, she came to a point in her struggle during the rape that she realized she needed to stop physically fighting in order to save her life. She took her mind to another place and focused her energy on getting out of there, which is what she did.
She found that years after the abuse, well after she felt healing in her life, the trauma resurfaced again. “I talk about it now because I want women to know that it’s okay to get help,” Haneef explains. She also tells this story to warn women to listen to their own gut feelings when they sense fear.
Although some people may not understand it, Haneef says, “You have to forgive yourself and take responsibility for the things you create in your life. I don’t take responsibility for what the person did TO me, but when I look back I should’ve listened to my intuition. Everything in my body was telling me this man mean’t me no good.
Our intuition gets stronger every year as we listen to it and trust it. When you are younger, you don’t know what it is. We need to teach our children, that if they feel something and it doesn’t sit right with them, to listen to that. And that we as parents, will have their back.
Our own circles of families and friends don’t speak up. When we come across people in our families who are creepy or off, we need to address that. Adults should speak up and speak the truth. I’ve learned that secrets are not healthy, should not be kept and destroy families.
Tweetable – ‘I’m beautiful on the inside because I radiate on the outside’ she says once she realized her beauty within it radiated on the outside.
And ‘it’s no-one else’s job to heal YOU but your own’
Learn more about Haneef Jordon on her website, TouchMyClosetRadio.com and on Twitter at @TouchMyCloset.
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